<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Vale Decem by TheGeekProblem</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307529">Vale Decem</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGeekProblem/pseuds/TheGeekProblem'>TheGeekProblem</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, New Years, Regeneration</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:00:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGeekProblem/pseuds/TheGeekProblem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative Title: Song For Ten (Reprise)</p><p>He's going to regenerate, but he has to see her one last time in this body</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Vale Decem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this just after watching the Tenth Doctor regenerate into Eleven. I always skipped that regeneration because I just couldn't put my self through that, but this time I rewatched the series I finally did. It was as painful as I expected. So this is me, sharing my pain. I wanted to work around his vanity issues and fears and this came out.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>‘To get my reward’</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had seen them all, all of his friends, his travel companions. All of their lives changed because of him, of this him. It was a farewell even if he hadn’t said it, and they understood it. Martha Jones and Mickey Smith working to protect the Earth, a distant salute from Captain Jack Harkness, and the laughter of Donna at her wedding. Donna Temple-Noble, how fitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But someone was missing, someone who would have stayed if only he had just let her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How long are you gonna stay with me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Forever</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had promised him Forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A promise broken by circumstance. Separated by events, and accidents and time. Yearning for each other across time and space, across dimensions. His Perfect Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt. Everything hurt. As the dematerialization sequence started he breathed in and out. He was barely holding on, but he had to see her one last time. One last time in this body, custom made for her. His accent that he picked up from her, the way he looked younger so they could match; his personality was hyper and bubbly so he could sweep her away to the stars and show her the wonders of the universe while holding each other close, all of it, all of what he was just for her. The way she grabbed her earrings when she was nervous became his nervous tick, the way she popped some words at the end became his too, and the way he would mirror her body language standing as close as he could to her, his body always craving her touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thanks to her he had smiled more freely, he had given his touch away more freely, the guilt didn’t consume him as much as it could have been. She had made him a better man. Whenever she was close he gravitated towards her. Rose became the Sun he would orbit around and he had loved that. He had loved her. And he hadn’t said it. An unfinished sentence in a beach in Norway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The TARDIS materialized and he got out. The Powell Estate. Her building stood in front of him and he remembered how in his first day in this body he had spent Christmas in her flat, popping rose-coloured Christmas crackers with her family, </span>
  <em>
    <span>his family</span>
  </em>
  <span>, eating dinner and laughing with her feeling like he had a home, a place to belong. How nervous he had been, he had just changed his face, his basic personality (an improvement if you had asked him) about how she would react to the change, how relieved he had felt when she smiled at him. How he felt like nothing was wrong with the world. How he wished to turn back the clock, to rewind time and relieve every single moment with her again. He had been so </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he hadn’t felt that way since she left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned on the wall and waited. He didn’t know exactly when he had landed but everything inside him told him that she was close. He could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> her close by. He could hear her voice approaching, oh how much had he missed her voice. She was talking to Jackie, about what, he didn’t really care, the sound of her soothed the pain a bit and he closed his eyes.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He listened to her lonely steps again approaching the building and he opened his eyes. She was walking in front of him, he could barely manage to see her face but she was there, and that was enough, </span>
  <em>
    <span>it had to be enough!</span>
  </em>
  <span> The pain returned tenfold and he couldn’t hold the grunt that escaped his throat. And then she turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose's face greeted him and he wished she would smile at him. Just once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You a’right mate?” She asked, always so concerned about other people. It almost brought a smile to his face, even if he no longer felt like he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah” He answered through the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too much to drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that” Of course she would think that, this was the Powell Estate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s time you went home”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh how he wished he could do that, he wished he could go home. But when he thought of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Home</span>
  </em>
  <span> he no longer thought of Gallifrey, of his dead Planet. No, he thought of her and Christmas dinners, and her laughter running through his TARDIS. She was his home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway! Happy New Year!” She smiled and by Rassilon how much he had missed that smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you” He was a starving man, he needed to see her smile at him again. He couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to “What year is this?” he asked, he would have said anything if it kept her talking to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blimey! How much have you had?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2005, January the 1st”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2005”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. She was getting freaked out, he could see that. He had to say something, anything to ease her fear. This body was always so good with his words, easily babbling his way out of being executed, and yet here he was, struggling to find something to say to the girl who held his hearts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you what” His voice started to break, he wanted to cry, he wanted to go to her and hug her, hold her close, and lose himself in her warmth “I bet you’re gonna have a really great year” He managed a pained smile. His eyes stinged as he fought back the tears and smiled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” She smiled. “See yah”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she was gone. Walking away from him. Everything in his body was screaming at him to go to her, but he fought the urge and stood there until he no longer could see her. The pain was now becoming unbearable and he knew his regeneration cycle would start soon. He walked back to the TARDIS, first holding on to the wall and then trying his best by himself. His body felt heavy. Every step felt like torture. His breath was coming short, his lungs burned. The energy was starting to flow through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the Doctor struggled to reach the TARDIS he could only think </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘It isn’t fair!’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He knew he could do more, could be so much better, and he hadn’t had much time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘So much more!’</span>
  </em>
  <span> He hadn’t had enough time with Rose, he had messed up with Martha making her feel less, and he had lost his best friend Donna and she would never know how special she was, how she had saved the world. All his last mistakes weighed on his mind. So many mistakes. So many regrets. And now he was dying alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shouldn’t travel on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe if Rose was with him he wouldn’t feel this way, he wouldn’t be fighting as hard as he could the regeneration, he would just accept it. He had always accepted when it was time but now he couldn’t. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated this feeling, being so powerless, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>pitiful</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had never felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span> before. It was her fault. She had made him want to feel, and now here he was, crawling to his ship, feeling pity for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe if he wasn’t so alone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I don’t want to feel like this. I want to forget.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Rose would cry for him. Rose would miss this him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Stop! I don’t want this’</span>
  </em>
  <span> He struggled to look up, the TARDIS was so close.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We will sing to you Doctor. The universe will sing you to your sleep.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wished to forget. To become someone who could forget all the pain, who didn’t need anybody, who didn’t need a family, who didn’t need </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> by his side, who would run as far away as he could. A new Doctor that would run faster, away from the guilt and the memories. A Doctor that wouldn’t feel this useless human feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has lived enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s tired. The golden energy covers his body. Enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This song is ending, but the story never ends.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you liked it! Comments and Kudos keep me writing!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/thegeekproblem">Twitter</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://thegeekproblem.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>